open and out

Well if you haven't noticed i haven't been writing lately that is because i was in the hospital for sucaidal thoughts, cutting, popping pills, well my poetry, and depression. i just got out about a week and a half ago. It was hell there. They didn't change me or anything, i changed myself. they were just like seems much better and we changed her into normal. or something like that. i got put in a room for 24 hours for getting my head up someones ass. jk. but i got pissed off so badly i smashed a metal meal cart. then when i went to my room a slammed the door twice cause it popped back open. then i got put in the room, where they have to basically watch you pee, get dressed the works. Well in there i had really long nails and since no one was watching me at the time (they were talking to my parents)(i don't think they were ever my parents) i used my nails and dug into my skin. I started bleeding but not that bad, no one even noticed. now i have this awsome scar right in the middle of my wrist. I love scars but then sometimes i wonder what would it be like to not have any at all. i have scars on my legs, ankles, feet, neck, ummm that is about it. I have been cutt free for about two and a half weeks. i have gotten one said feeling and that was when i was talking to my friend ethan. Ethan babie i love just don't put me down like that. telling me you want to die is just going to bring me down even more. Wait a while. Wait tell my open wounds heal. Then i will be glad to listen. Just getting out of the hospital, and then right after i get out you tell me you want to die. You are going to put me right back into the physc ward dear. well i will be back on schedual now that im out i'll keep it updated i'll keep in touch cheezy or 'B'