Lost But Loved

I know that Jason won't be able to talk to me tell im 18. I can accept that fact. It just takes a lot of my life away. I love him always. He's my life, my everything. No way in hell i will ever forget him or have people sit here and say i should. Everyone always said that he was cheating on me. I knew and know he isn't and wasn't. When i woke up in the morning before he would go to work i would call him and always be like sweetie im sleepy. I'm not a morning person. He'd be like i know baby. I thought it was always cute when he'd ask why i would wake up an hour earlier than i had to wake up just to talk to him. I did it because i love him. And when he has to work when i'm finally with him i will still wake up an hour early to make him breakfast and that way i can make his day better and better cause we can hold each other and kiss before work. I can't wait. And then when are children are a little older and there's a storm going on and they come crawl their little bodies in bed with me and jason we're going to be so comforting towards them, so loving, keeping our arms over them as if using them as a shield to protect our young ones. We'll stay up all night watching them sleep inbetween us. Eventually we fall in a sleep so light so in the morning when they wake up they can go "daddie! mommie! wake up. it's time to get up!" I can't wait. Our hearts and minds will be so full of memories and so will our childrens. I love children. Being the oldest and taking care of my brothers and sisters when i was little really helped for me to have patients. I'm glad my mother left the house all the time to have fun and fuck around with other men and women and i'm glad that my father worked nights. I wouldn't of learned how to take care of people, younger ones or anything. That's probably why i act like such a little kid, talk like one too. I'm glad i could say that i was protective to my brother and sister like a mother should of been (i could never say i was the mother of them because i could not replace my mothers place) but more importantly i'm so very proud to say that i was only there for them as a sister, i took care of them, i was always there for them when they needed to talk and still am, and i'm glad that we had our ups and downs with each other as a sister. I could be nothing more to them. I stole for them, i stole food, clothes, hair ties, tooth-brushes, tooth paste (can't go stinky), and when one of them had chap lips i would steal money from my mother and would buy them chap stick. My mom ended up missing 500 dollars that i stole from her. She ended up saying that i used it to impress my friends, to make friends. I told her she was a lieing sack of shit, she still is. But what im trying to get across is that i will always be there for them and Jason. My Husband-to-be and my children that will eventually come into our family.

I know you're coming home soon and i hope that you're day was good. I really do. I want you to be happy. I've been bitchy all day well for the past two days...PMS. something else you will have to deal with when you're with me. lol. I doubt i will ever be bitchy towards you. You make me to happy for me to be to bitchy.

But hey sweetie, I have to eat. I'll write you when im done, cause im not done writing. :D I love you Jason, My sweetie, soul mate, lover, silly lil' goose, My Po-Tat-O dumplin' and so on and so forth, OHHH don't forget ROOTBEER! -really big, long, relaxing, loving, passionate kisses in huggs- write some more soon. love you lotts sweetie. xoxoxo.

p.s. I won't bottle anything in anymore you taught me not to do that, i will still let it all out for you. -blows you a kiss-