My Weeks Worth Of An Update

I woke up this morning by having a phone call by lea. I was pissed cause i didnt' sleep well at all after reading my lovers blog. I couldn't sleep. I just wouldn't. I'd feel so incomplete if i missed a moment without my sweet dear soul mate and husband to be. But as soon as i got off the phone with her i sat in my bed having my sister sleep on the floor. I just sat there crying. I looked over to my sister who was "pretending" to sleep. So i told her to talk to me and we did. We talked. We talked about My mother that deceived Jason and i, about her "evil" plans for Ambie and Joshua. I found out my sister didn't say anything to anyone. My mom used her so called "Physic Powers" to say that there was something about him that was a pedifler. I couldn't believe it. My sister didn't say shit to my mother. But my mom used her stupid lil' black magic and said that he was something he's not. I was so pissed i started crying so badly.

I hate my mother, I hope she dies. But ofcourse i would never kill her she needs to learn, learn things that are something that comes at the end of times. Something that she really needs to find out on her own. She'll learn she lost something so great. But for now she can rott in hell. I have so much hate for her now more than i did before. She needs to die slowly...rottening with buggs eating away her pinkish blood stained skin and her bones sticking out of her lifeless body because she's dieing of such starvation. She being so skinny her eyes will be out farther than normal her eyes in such pain and her face filled with furry and disgust but yet she can't do anything because she is so weak, inside and out. Her skin will fold and harden as life itself collapes infront of her. I will be the death that reaches out to save her in the end. She doesn't deserve to live. So i am the hate and the corpse that will take her in telling her that everything will be okay but then i will hang her by her toes and punish her even more for she has broke the rules that were suppose to be meant for saftey. She will hang out with her life dangling right in front of her and as she tries to reach for it it will just back up...pushing her to go insane, but that's to late, cause she already is.

I'm sorry, I just lost controll. I haven't been taking my pills...so i could drink something here and there. I drank the past few days...Chugged Hard Liqour didn't feel a thing, the way i wanted it to be. I wanted more and more. I was going to get drunk last night but i left for home. I needed to go back so i could see my love's pictures. I had to light some one's cig and i had to take a puff of it to light it cause he couldn't see. He shot himself in the eye with an AirSoft gun (dumbass) so he couldn't see the cig or where the lighter was or anything. I missed the taste and everything but it wasn't a big puff either just one to get it going...I'm so sorry...but SPEAKING OF PICTURES I DIDN'T GET MY PICTURES BACK FROM THE INVESTIGATER. damn it. Well this week we're going to get them back, and when i say we i mean Jason and i. I want them back so i can put them in our photo book. Yes, that is what we call it. A photo book. I got like 13 pics of you and i started. All of the ones I had from the computer and the ones from mail. I got most of them. They're there waiting for you and i to get back together. To have us start our family. The photos will be so beautiful just like our children will be. So cute and so sweet just like their daddie. I'm sure our son(s) will just as handsome as him and our lovely daughter(s) will be just as smart and strong as we both are together as a family. That's all i want is to be is the mother our children. No I'm not baby crazy but there were times where Jason said I was. I just want to have our kids, grow old, watch them graduate from 5th grade, 8th, and finish Highschool. Watch him go off to college if they desire. Both me and Jason watch as they raise their kids, our grandchildren. Oh, I can't wait. Just so beautiful they will be. So kind so like their parents. Jason won't know it but i'll spoil our kids behind his back! Well, no not really. We'll just have loads of fun together and they'll get some money each week to everyother and we will go out like twice a week and have just loads of fun hanging out and cuddling. The parks are so great to take kids but so is the back yard. lol. Jason can teach them to play ball and have a great time. I can do better. (I'm off in la la land if you couldn't tell -sighs-) Oh, I can't wait to hear "I love you mommy" and I'm sure Jason can't wait to hear that too. Well he might want to hear "I love you Daddie" I hope our kids call him daddie instead of dad. It's so cute when they say daddie even when they're older. I still say daddie. I remember when Jason heard me for the first time say "Dad". I was so serious. I didn't even catch myself, I just said Dad.

"Any man can be a father but it takes a lot more to be a dad."

He will be a father to remember. I love you so much Jason. I sat down yesterday and started crying reading your blog. I never stopped. I sat in my bed listening to H.I.M. crying again. I woke up and started crying. I got on here and started crying. I will write more today cause there is a lot more that i need to get out. I love you my soul mate. I love you so much. I'm never letting go of our love. -really big huggs and kisses-