Voices

I got the best birthday present I could ask for right now. But I wish I could have more...

Jason, If you can hear me, I'm really sorry. My eyes fill with tears everytime I think about Us, and well each other being together. I don't want to sit and dwel on things, but that's all I can do now. There's nothing in my life I want so much but you. I can hear your voice in my head all the time. I'm afraid one day that voice will fade away. You're voice. I don't want that to happen, I know it won't. I know what you will sound like for all times. I will always be with you, that's how I know I will always be with you and never lose your voice in my head. It will always be there. So will the haunting of our last good bye...And the many others that we've had. I never loved or liked to here good bye or good night. I would want to stay up for ages just talking to you. I wouldn't care how tired I was I would just wish I could talk to you all night and all day. That was all I need was my friend, my best friend, my lover. You were both. You were everything to me and you still are. You always will be. You will soon be my faithful husband and my best friend, alost the greatest father of our children.

I love you so much Jason. I am still waiting. I will always be waiting tell the day I can finally be in your arms. With out you I would be just sitting here waiting for something to happen. I'm waiting for you but well I'm doing that I'm finding things that can fill my head like the job, and my writing. You've inspired me so much, you've taught me so many things. The day I told you that I Idol I meant it. I really did. You're my Idol for all times. I swear you always will be no matter what you do. You told me to stop ing my elbows I'm trying my hardest I barely ever do it anymore, You told me not to cutt and made me promise I haven't done anything or thought about it, and you told me to be happy I'm trying so hard to be happy I really am. I want you to be happy and if that's the only way for you to be happy then I will be. I would do anything for you to be happy.

Thanks to you, I found a Job. One that's boring but I like cause there is lotts of people there. I mean lotts. But I'm out doing things with my life well waiting for you. I got a bit sun burned there too but not like yours. If you really want, and I know you would want me too, I will wear sun screen. But I didn't get badly burned or anything so don't worry. But today when I was working my dad said it was okay that I drank a little so I did. I didn't drink much. I didn't want too but after a while I wanted more...but don't worry, it was a one time thing. I didn't get drunk or anything just had a few sips of Mikes Hard Lemonade. It was tasty. Sweetie, I swear I will try to write soon. Promise. As soon as I get home or whenever Terri's off the computer and I get a chance.

I love you so much Jason, I hope you have a great night's sleep. Tootles for now My Love. -really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really big huggs and kisses-