Im sorry my love, if you can read this, im so sorry. i really need you in my life right now and i cant have you. you were and are my best friend, my love, my life. and it hurts me so much that you have to go through such pain. i want to take away your pain so bad. your happiness and your well being is all that matters to me. id do anything just to take away your pain. id take it and keep it just to make you happy for one moment in our life together as a couple, as a family. well always be here for each other no matter what that i know. but at times i feel like you are drifting away. my father does what ever he can to stop me from thinking about you. you are all i can think about. how can i forget about someone that i truely love, that ive fallen in love with? i just cant and i know youll never forget about me and well never drift apart. our love will always stay strong, always. no matter what is thrown at us well be together. look at us now, weve gotten pretty bad stuff thrown in our faces and it just keeps coming but we are still strong, as well as our love.

man did i try to put a smile on your face the last few days, i havent felt the greatest as in happy but im trying so hard to lift your spirts. your happiness means everything to me and so does our love. my story was so silly i knew youd have fun with it. i dont know that much about guns even though everyone hunts in my family. lol. i got to use a double barrel shot gun once, that was awsome. hee hee -evil grin- JK! im not like that. -smiles- i hope you are smiling now my love and if you are not i am going to try my HARDEST to make you smile or laugh. whatever i feel you need. really i think you need a hugg so... -wraps my arms around you and holds you close to me rocking you back and forth telling you that everything will be okay in the end- im going to hold you like the day you left for the second time except im going to hold you longer and squize you tighter. you are going to lose your breath. im going to steal it all! hee hee.

i hope everything with your parents are going okay. i know that you are scared to talk to them and i dont mind if you dont but please dont hold your emtions back. that will only make you more upset and more angry, please. i wanted to cry so bad at tashas yesterday. i felt so bad that i couldnt be there for you like i use to be. i woke up today and was like i really wanna talk to jason and i grabbed my phone cause i love waking you up in the morning and then i realized that i couldnt and i just wanted to break down crying, i kinda did...but i just blamed the tears on my yawns. -sighs- i really miss you. i miss everything. i just want you back...

i love you so much jason. i really do! i love you like i would not love another person or object on this earth except our children. i really wish that i could talk with you and your parents with you so you wouldnt be so afraid. if only i could hold your hand and sit by you telling you that everything will be okay. well now i am going to try and lay down, i hope you have fun with your parents. wanna know something...? im jealous that your parents can be with you but your own wife cant. -cries so hard- i better go before i lose it. I love you my husband, and my soul mate, my everything. xoxoxo. -holds you close to me crying in your arms like i did when you came over- your shirt is gonna get all wet. ew! jk my love but have fun, i mean it and if you dont im going to kick your butt. i cant hurt a fly. lol. well...almost a lil one. hee hee. WHAT THE FUCK COUNTRY?! lol. -cries- oh...i love you.